This title might seem disturbing, but life has taught me so. I wasn’t able to have any healthy relationships until I decided to have a good relationship with myself. That decision wasn’t an easy one. It took me a long time to know that I needed to make it.
“If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
Let’s begin, like always, with some definitions:
The Definitions of Relationship
- The state of being related or interrelated studied the relationship between the variables
- The relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: such as
- a: kinship
- a specific instance or type of kinship
- A state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings (Had a good relationship with his family)
- A romantic or passionate attachment
We call “a relationship” to the way we interact with someone. The first “someone” you interact with is you. People are going to react and treat you according to this relationship, and of course, they are going to relate to you following your patterns.
What Kind of Relationship Do You Have With Yourself?
To answer that question I want to offer two statements. The first comes from Socrates: “Know thyself” and “love yourself”. The second could be from any self-conscious person in the world. I just took it from Lisa Nichols author of “Abundance Now” and a very interesting YouTube channel about personal development and that kind of stuff. I additionally found a very useful questionary made by Sharon Martin from happily imperfect. It is about 26 questions you have to answer. Try it! When you know and love yourself is easier to interact healthily with others.
The 3 Types of Relationships
I want to go back to Lisa Nichols and her book “Abundance Now” because of the very useful classification she offers about relationships. She describes three types of relationships each one of them has a very specific purpose:
- Lifetime: People that stick with you no matter what.
- Life-giving: Designed to re-start your inner fire and remind you of what’s possible for you to achieve.
- Purposeful: Has a defined purpose, and when the purpose is complete, the relationship is over.
I think you can apply this description to all kinds of relationships, not only the romantic ones as the book suggests. After reading and deeply understanding the meaning of this description, I decided to change my perspective about past relationships and stopped feeling sorry for all the people gone in my life. I forgave myself and forgave them. I began to feel grateful for the time I had with them and the valuable experience for my growth.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow” – Unknown
Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – C. G. Jung
If you want to go somewhere in life, make sure you are surrounded by people who can and want to go with you to the next level. Leave behind the ones who are not interested in going with you. Be grateful and kind for the shared time and get ready to move forward. Finding the right people and establishing the right relationships is not easy but you will find the way if you are hungry enough. At this point, I have to recommend you a book from Keith Ferrazzi called “ Never eat alone.” If you are at this point in your life, I strongly suggest getting this book. Here some inside:
- When you help others, they often help you.
- Success in any field, but especially in business, is about working with people, not against them.
- People who instinctively establish a strong network of relationships have always created great businesses.
- Connecting is one of the most important businesses and life skills you’ll ever learn. Because, flat out, people do business with people they know and like.
- Real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful. It was about working hard to give more than you get
- The currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.
And remember, the most important relationship in your life, is the one you have with yourself. Every other person can leave, but you are going to be with you your whole life. So, treat yourself and others the way you want to be treated.
We are social animals – that’s true. We need to be around people – that’s also true. And it is imperative that we choose consciously the kind of people we need to be surrounded by. As a minimalist, I suggest choosing quality over quantity no matter what kind of relationship personal or business.
“Your quality of life is determined by the quality of your relationships (…) When you sit down at the end of your life and reflect on its value, you will realize that your real treasures were in your relationships and not in your possession.” – Lisa Nichols